Over the past few months I’ve torn through a number of books by C.S. Lewis. As I’ve shared with a number of friends recently, Lewis has not been a focus for me thanks to his widespread popularity. I read the Narnia tales while I was in seminary, Mere Christianity in high school, but have largely left him alone. His popularity with so many people caused me to avoid him. I don’t know if you have ever done something similar, but I can think of other times I’ve avoided certain artists, books, or movies because they’ve been so widely popular. I guess I was trying to be different.
Here are some of Lewis’ books I have read recently:
- ‘Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold
- Out of the Silent Planet
- Perelandra
- Reflections on the Psalms
- The Four Loves
To my topic for today: Friendship. This past week I completed The Four Loves. In this book C.S. Lewis examines Affection, Eros, Friendship, and Charity as key descriptors of love. As I read the book I gravitated toward Lewis’ discussion of friendship. Of the different forms which love takes, I have recently come to the conviction that this form of love is the most neglected. What does it mean to be, and to have, a friend? What is it about friendship that is good, virtuous, enriching, and worthwhile?
Lewis’ discussion is rich, and in it he makes an important distinction which I would like to comment on: that which exists between friendship and companionship. Lewis says:
Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even task which each believe to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’ We can imagine that among those early hunters and warriors and single individuals–one in a century? one in a thousand years?–saw what others did not; saw that the deer was beautiful as well as edible, that hunting was fun as well as necessary, dreamed that his gods might be not only powerful but holy. But as long as each of these percipient persons dies without finding a kindred soul, nothing (I suspect) will come of it; art or sport or spiritual religion will not be born. It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision–it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.
Friendship is a step beyond Companionship, and it is in the opening of Friendship, these moments, that movements may be born–a point which Lewis goes on to make. Lewis’ discussion leads him to consider the need for Friends to share some commonality of ideas or activities, remarks on the affection and love which can arise as a result of such shared interests, and exposes both the virtues and the dangers of such a relationship. Lewis distinguishes Friends from Lovers, demonstrates the way in which communities could survive without friendship yet are enriched when friendships form, and ultimately points to the reality of One who is a Friend and Master of Ceremonies in all Friendships, using these relationships as “the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.”
In considering Lewis’ words, I found myself further convinced that Friendship is something which arises from the fellowship of the church naturally and spontaneously, but is fostered with less intentionality than other aspects of our life and discourse. We talk about having friends or experiencing community, but we neglect to examine what it might mean to be a friend or the skills necessary for us to make or to maintain friendships. When friendships do arise, we see them as a thing of beauty which has happened haphazardly, inexplicably, even miraculously. We talk about friendship being “organic,” but we’re unsure what is exactly needed in the environment for friendships to flourish. Aside from friendship, we focus more energy on the virtues and vices of erotic love, speak of the affections and the good and evil which may arise from them, and talk of how our love might be directed toward God. We speak of how to love our enemies and love our neighbors, but in what way do we specifically equip people move beyond the extension of charity and goodwill toward those near us and engage in deep and rewarding friendships?
In a world plagued by loneliness, the exploration and explication of friendship as a virtue may do the church a great deal of good. If we are trained to both be friends and foster deep and rewarding friendships we would only enhance our witness. As our relationships move beyond superficialities to substance, as we become known as we have been known, and as we mutually edify one another for the benefit of the body, we have the opportunity to display the wonderment of the life abundant, displaying the goodness, grace, and grandeur of God before the world. While I do not have any specific answers at this time as to how we might foster friendships better, how we might define friendship more fully, and how we might see this expressed in the local body, I’m working on it. And I invite others to join me in this constructive project–to write, to preach, to publish, and to live. Be a better friend, think of what it might mean to have deep and rewarding friendships, and find a small group of people who might live out a radical Christ-experiment in loving one another as more than Companions, as Friends.
May we have, and be, friends. For Jesus Christ and his name’s sake.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
–John 15:15

I’m a Facebook addict. I’ll admit it. I check Facebook numerous times a day, I update my status semi-frequently, and I track the news feed. I keep up with friends, send messages, drop notes and write on people’s walls. I don’t just check Facebook on my computer, I track it on my mobile phone. It is an incredible tool. It is also narcotic.
Former heavyweight champion of the world Ric Flair was roughed up by his daughter’s boyfriend yesterday, 






SNL Skit from 2006 :: Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford
Posted in Cultural Commentary, Grab Bag, tagged Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell, Debt Reduction, Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford, Money Management, Steve Martin, The Funny on September 28, 2008 | 2 Comments »
I watched this today and thought it was fantastic. Thanks to Chuck for posting this link to Facebook.
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